What we've learned as parents so far...(15 days in)

Bonus Entry

What we've learned as parents so far...(15 days in)

1. Our baby is better than your baby.

2. People will always assume Joey is a boy based on her name. 

3. Babies are manipulative creatures who use their cries and cute faces to get access to boobs.

4. Babies like boobs.

5. Our baby prefers the right boob.

6. To keep a baby content you need three things: the ability to bounce them, the ability to feed them, and the NASCAR pit crew speed to change a diaper and onesie in record time.

7. Dried-up umbilical cords are gross.

8. We will change diapers, forget to wash our hands, and eat chips right after.

9. There will be 100 outfits in the dresser and closet for the baby to wear, but we will use the same three sleepers week after week because Steve Jobs is our inspiration for fashion and time saving tactics.

10. Milk drunk is a real thing, and it is adorable when it's your baby.

11. Not all babies want to be swaddled. Our baby is a ninja and needs access to full movement 24/7.

12. The world stops when the baby makes a sound while sleeping...is she waking up? Should I hold my breath so I don't disturb her? I don't need to breathe. Keep sleeping...if you love mommy at all, keep sleeping!

13. As soon as you have a baby, there is nothing else you really want to talk about. 

14. Diaper bags are bottomless pits for blankets, trash, doggy poop pouches, snacks, and pacifiers. I never carry a purse, so this is my status symbol of female empowerment. My diaper bag says, "I have a uterus, and I am awesome."

15. We will never be more proud of our child than when we hear her do three explosive poops in a completely silent room.