Kick guilt away

Joey-girl,

"How well does she sleep at night?" It's one of the first questions we get asked as first-time parents by every family member, friend, and stranger who runs across the highway as soon as they see a stroller.

You started sleeping through the night at seven weeks. We woke up the morning after our first well-rested slumber and checked on you to make sure something wasn't wrong...for about five seconds, we were terrified. But there you were, in your bassinet sprawled out on your back just enjoying a few more moments of bliss.

"Wow, you're lucky." It's the comment we most often receive after relaying our story. A quarter of the time it's said with shock, half the time it's said with a smile of relief and joy, the other quarter say it with a deep stare of haunting darkness and muffled anger. I can only imagine the nightmares of colic those parents have endured to leave their minds and heart so battle-scarred. The mother in me wants to hold their hand and tell them everything will be all right, but the 5-year old in me wants to sing Disney songs until the memory of their sadness is wiped from my brain.


The reason I'm bringing this topic up is that last night, we got a glimpse of the darkness. Teething and a week-long cold kept you up and screaming. Your dad and I walked you around, changed your diaper, fed you, sang crappy lullabies, and talked to you in an apologetic voice trying to make up for our lack of parenting magic. Sometime in the AM hours, you finally fell asleep in my arms and stayed asleep after I set you in your crib.

Any parent who does that dance every night...I am standing and applauding your strength. Pretending to applaud...seriously, I don't want to risk waking your baby.

Well Joey, our normal schedule was thrown off today as we both recovered from last night's adventure. At one point, although it was early afternoon, I could have sworn we were back in the 1AM struggle as you told me again through your cries that you needed rest, but your body was ready to fight sleep as if it was threatening to take your last bottle.

I held you. I walked you. I promised it would be okay and kissed your head. Slowly, your muscles relaxed, you buried your face in my shoulder, and the weight of sleep took over. My computer beckoned to me...work, type, read, work, type, read...my body ached, my fingers were going numb...but I just couldn't set you down.

Yes, I was slightly terrified of waking you up by shifting your body even an inch, but ultimately my heart wanted to hold onto this moment for as long as possible. You used to fall asleep in my arms every day, back when your weight was a whisper of warmth wrapped up in a fluffy blanket.

I remembered a video that played on my Facebook feed a few weeks ago...  words from "I was going to fold the clothes, but instead I held you" by Regan Long.

Baby girl, I selfishly sat in our old rocking chair and held you as you slept. One day, when you have babies of your own, be selfish. Hold your little one - after a night of no sleep, hold them. After a day of fuss and sniffles, hold them. Kiss their cheeks, brush their hair with your lips, and rest your face against theirs. Hold them like I held you today.

Kick the creeping guilt in the balls.

I was going to fold the clothes, but instead I held you 

by Regan Long

Starting Over and Feeling Stupid

Sweet baby girl,

You are 7 months and 11 days old.

Right now, I'm sitting in a real estate class with a slight headache and stuffy nose wishing I was home by you and daddy. I'm in the process of starting a new career, and let me tell you...I feel stupid. I'm not actually stupid (most days), but having to start from the bottom again highlights my flaws in all angles. There's so much to learn and so much opportunity; I'm excited for what this can bring to our family.

But Baby-Joey, it's a hike with a hundred-lb pack and terrible shoes...
        one foot in front of the other...
        fight, grind, repeat...
        just keep running...
        fail until you don't...
        the pain of trying is nothing compared to the pain of regret.

Providing for you has given me a purpose. Spending days with your smile (and cries) has given me joy. Having you has given me courage. I will keep fighting for you, your dad, and me. I will keep fighting for the brothers and sisters your dad and I want to give you.

When starting a new job there's always a period of stupid that lasts between two weeks and two months. Working at Target, I mastered the Deli department in two weeks. Organizing the fryer schedule for maximum efficiency is my Wimbledon title. Teaching high school English, two months was about when I felt like I wasn't pretending anymore. I felt like a master teacher after developing a unit where students rewrote "The Lottery" by changing two literary elements of the story. Their inventive, crazy, and moving versions of the classic filled my heart with pride.

So, I will continue to listen, read, learn, and sometimes struggle to master this real estate world. I'm sure there will be victories to celebrate, paper-cuts to bandage, and trenches to climb over. No matter what, you and I will always have a standing date for dance parties, tummy time screams, and sharing a peanut butter bagel.

My hope for you: Be brave enough to feel stupid.

Life Lessons

Joey-girl,

You are 4 months and 17 days old. Two days ago you and I spent my 30th birthday together; we walked, talked, napped, read, and played all day. It was the best birthday I could have asked for...you are the best gift I've ever been given.

Since turning 30 is a milestone in a person's life, one where life experiences are supposed to have brought wisdom and maturity to one's heart and mind, I want to share some of my thoughts/lessons with you. Here is my disclaimer: what has worked or not worked for me may be completely different for you. This is not a how-to-be-successful-in-life guide...this is a how-I've-made-it-this-far-and-what-I've-learned infomercial. Read it, laugh at my ridiculousness, and understand that your moma isn't perfect, but she's always trying to be better. That's all any of us can really strive for.

1. Never be afraid to dance in public. I spent many middle and high school dances hiding in the corner by the cardboard decorations or behind the counter of the concession stand when I could have been under the sparkling lights making a fool of myself. As an adult and with your dad by my side, I've taken to the dance floor more often (we even went to a ballroom dancing class once - we suuuuuuucked).

2. Laugh, laugh, laugh. Finding the humor through difficult times has helped me keep my sanity. Yes, I may reference penises too much, but really...is that ever not funny? Random fact: I was kicked out of my seventh grade science class because I giggled at the word penis every time it was said in the doc/educational video that was playing.

3. Read all the books. Trust me here...you will be smarter, more creative, have more empathy, and will never run out of new people or worlds to know. Your dad and I read together; we take turns picking a book, and we read it out loud while we're riding in the car or sitting at home. One day this will be a family activity where you can have a turn, too. Guess what? You and I have been reading the first Harry Potter book (okay, you've been sitting on your butt smiling at me while I read) and we're two-thirds of the way through it.

4. Ask for help. So many of life's challenges could have been handled better or more quickly if I just would have had the courage to ask somebody I trusted for help. I have always been afraid of burdening other people, so I tend to take on too much and then feel like a failure when I can't do it all as well as I want to. Guess what? YOU ARE NEVER A BURDEN TO PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU! Note to self: remind Joey of this every day.


5. Don't just talk - take action. We all need to vent and should never feel bad about releasing some steam, but complaining doesn't fix problems. Be brave, be assertive, and punch the sky as you celebrate taking action to address/fix the thing you were complaining about. A lot of times this involves just changing perspective and practicing empathy. Sometimes action requires serious life changes that are scary and exhausting. I am in a moment of talk vs. action right now...quitting my job as a teacher was terrifying because it was a safe career that provided a stable income for our family. However, I had talked too long about wanting something more than a paycheck; having you made me want to take a risk and pursue some dreams of mine. Will it work out? NO IDEA! Stay tuned for the fairy tale ending...please don't let this be a M. Night Shyamalan movie.

12 Weeks In

Dear Joey,

You are twelve weeks and one day old. Every day your daddy and I look at you and wonder how we could make something so beautiful. We love you! More than words can say.

To mark this special time in our lives we want to give you a snapshot of what a typical day in our home looks like...

6:15AM - The alarm goes off, I wake your dad, and he starts getting ready for work while also taking care of the dogs. Usually you are half awake in your bassinet and sucking your thumb, so I move in to change your diaper and do a morning feeding. This is my favorite moment of the day! As I rub your belly and say, "Good morning sunshine", you look up at me, move that thumb out of your mouth and smile a big toothless grin. We share some morning cuddles in the big bed, and your dad kisses us both goodbye before he heads off to work. Then...we sleep!

8:15AM - I sneak downstairs to have breakfast and take care of some chores while you sleep for the next hour.

9:30AM - You tell me through the monitor to come get you and bring you downstairs for some milk. We rock in our chair while you eat and watch some TV until you fall asleep for another nap.

10:30AM - 3:30PM - This chunk of time is reserved for mommy and Joey playtime! You're becoming more aware of toys and sounds, so we play simple games with your blanket (kick it off your feet) and rattles. Just a few days ago you discovered how amazing it is to see your reflection in the playmat mirror. Your daddy and I laughed while we watched you make big faces and wriggled around. Guess what? You still hate tummy time! However, I make you practice your turning over and head lifting so you can grow big and strong. Sorry, honey! Off-and-on during this time you take short naps, eat, and give me a smelly diaper to change. We also talk a lot...or I talk and you babble. And we smile at each other...all day you bring joy to my heart with that big full-face smile.

3:30PM - 4:30PM - You and I go on a walk around the neighborhood as long as it's not raining or too hot. I do the work, and you fall asleep.

4:45PM - Daddy calls us as he starts his drive home from work.

5:30PM - 8:00PM - Dinner, taking turns running, chores, work, TV watching...it all gets done while we trade off playing with you and getting some Joey cuddles.

8:00PM - 9:00PM - FUSSY TIME! This actually starts at 7:30, but the main grumpiness hits at 8. Your dad and I load you up in the stroller and do a two-block nighttime walk to keep you content. Usually the dogs join us, and this is when we all get to talk and plan future life adventures.

9:00PM - 10:00PM - Bath time for Joey a couple of times a week, last feeding with mom, and bedtime. For the past week you have fallen asleep and woken back up for a belly rub or quick cuddle, but overall bedtime is at 9:30 and you are out for the night. I get up a couple of times throughout the night to pump, but your dad is sound asleep storing up some energy for the next day.

Joey-girl, we love every second we get to spend with you. Being your mommy and daddy gives us meaning and purpose. We still have no idea what we're doing, but as a team of five (Olive and Amos included) we are figuring it out as we go. As you continue to grow and learn, we promise to enjoy the simple moments of love and joy.

We've Been Busy...

I've been told I can use having a baby as an excuse for anything I want for as long as I want...

   No, I can't make it to the party; I just had a baby.
   You need a liver and I'm a match? No, I just had a baby.
   This isn't my ice cream birthday cake, and I shouldn't be eating it? I'm sorry, but I just had a baby.

There hasn't been a new blog post for about 55 days. Forgive me! I just had a baby.

Here are the things we have managed to do in the last eight weeks:

• I started a wedding and event planning business. Have you heard of Simply Unique LLC? No? Wow...I thought my six total followers on Twitter would have gotten the word out by now.
• Billy graduated from college!
• I'm working on getting my real estate license through the online course.
• Installed an electric in-ground dog fence.
• Made and eaten four batches of puppy chow.
• Purchased a freezer and filled it with frozen bags of breastmilk. Mine. Not Billy's.
• Broke the washing machine...got the washing machine fixed...
• Got through our first family cycle of sickness. Joey catches a cold, sends it over to dad, who passes it down the court to mom for a chance at the game-winning layup.
• Joey has been to one waterpark, one soccer game, two track meets, two campground visits, one retirement party, and zero bars. 
• We've (I say we because breastfeeding in public takes a team) successfully fed our baby in three different vehicles, two restaurants, and on the backstretch of a track while the 100/110 hurdle races were going. 

There are many more things that should be included on this list, but my baby is in the other room and I miss her sweet smile. Also, her last fart shook the house walls, and I'm mentally preparing for an up-the-back-clothes-changing poop package.

What we've learned as parents so far...(15 days in)

Bonus Entry

What we've learned as parents so far...(15 days in)

1. Our baby is better than your baby.

2. People will always assume Joey is a boy based on her name. 

3. Babies are manipulative creatures who use their cries and cute faces to get access to boobs.

4. Babies like boobs.

5. Our baby prefers the right boob.

6. To keep a baby content you need three things: the ability to bounce them, the ability to feed them, and the NASCAR pit crew speed to change a diaper and onesie in record time.

7. Dried-up umbilical cords are gross.

8. We will change diapers, forget to wash our hands, and eat chips right after.

9. There will be 100 outfits in the dresser and closet for the baby to wear, but we will use the same three sleepers week after week because Steve Jobs is our inspiration for fashion and time saving tactics.

10. Milk drunk is a real thing, and it is adorable when it's your baby.

11. Not all babies want to be swaddled. Our baby is a ninja and needs access to full movement 24/7.

12. The world stops when the baby makes a sound while sleeping...is she waking up? Should I hold my breath so I don't disturb her? I don't need to breathe. Keep sleeping...if you love mommy at all, keep sleeping!

13. As soon as you have a baby, there is nothing else you really want to talk about. 

14. Diaper bags are bottomless pits for blankets, trash, doggy poop pouches, snacks, and pacifiers. I never carry a purse, so this is my status symbol of female empowerment. My diaper bag says, "I have a uterus, and I am awesome."

15. We will never be more proud of our child than when we hear her do three explosive poops in a completely silent room. 

Labor and Delivery at 39 Weeks

Well...Our baby is here!

Joey was born on March 8th (Thursday) by c-section due to her being breech. Here is the play-by-play.

6:15AM - 7:15AM: I'm driving to work and notice that about every five-six minutes I'm having light contractions that last about a minute. I call Billy and tell him to make sure his phone is on and by him all day. There is no way I'm going to turn the car around and go home, because this is the FIRST DAY my long-term sub is at the school, so I have to train her. Our planned c-section was going to be on Monday, March 12 at 3:30PM. Apparently, our little Joey didn't want to wait through the weekend. The contractions continue, but they aren't painful so I keep driving. Billy asks whether he should pack the car with our hospital bags; thankfully he didn't listen to me and ended up bringing most of our stuff. I love him!

7:15AM - 8:00AM: Calling Billy to update him on my contractions, attempting to time them on my phone, hand home-made chocolate chip cookies to a coworker for his birthday, and breathe through the increasingly painful contractions as they travel through my gut and uterus. Ouch. Throughout this time I have my sub following me around, and I attempt to crash-course train her on how to educate the youth of America. Forty-five minutes is enough for that, right?

8:00AM - 9:08AM: Last day with my class and attempting to not show that anything is happening with 25 pairs of eyes on me. Good thing I planned a half movie day!

9:08AM - 9:40AM: Several teachers/staff stop by my room to tell me to LEAVE AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL! What? Contractions four minutes apart and painful enough to stop me while I'm talking? Eh, I'm not weak. More training for my sub, send in a scholarship recommendation for a student, talk to some students...OKAY, I'M LEAVING!

9:40AM - 11:00AM: Call/text Billy to say I'm heading to the hospital. He's in class, so he has to get up and leave without saying a word to anyone as to why. We talk almost the entire drive and meet in the parking garage. I'm still in pain, but his excitement raises my spirits and quiets the doubt of whether or not we're in actual labor.

11:00AM - 12:00PM: While writhing in pain from contractions, the nurses and doctors talk about waiting for a few hours to see if my labor progresses enough to deliver today. Billy goes down to the car to grab his computer, and during that short time the doctors decide WE'RE HAVING A BABY TODAY! And like...right now! By the time Billy arrives back in the room, I'm hooked up to an IV and getting wiped down with alcohol towelettes. What a difference ten minutes can make. I'm getting more scared as time moves past, but Billy holds my hand and talks to me about random things to get my mind off the coming surgery. "I'm not ready to be a mom," I keep saying. He would kiss my forehead and say, "Yes you are." Dressed in my beautiful hospital gown we walk down the hall, around the corner, and kiss goodbye/see-you-later while he goes to get dressed in scrubs and I go to get my spine stabbed.

12:00PM - 1:15PM: Surgery rooms are smaller than on Grey's Anatomy. The nurses and surgeons are all working to keep me happy while they move around the room like a coordinated dance. Within minutes I'm curled over and being stabbed in my back by the anesthesiologist. "Did you know your spine curves to the right?" Huh...not my top concern right now, Doc. How about you just focus on not paralyzing me? The drugs are working and soon enough the blue curtain goes up, and I was laying open for all to see. Modesty? Nope, lost that when the sweet sweet numbness kicked in. When Billy finally joins us in the delivery room, my heart is full. He sits behind me, holds my hand, and we talk about his job. There is no pain, only some pulling and pushing from behind the magic curtain. Our sweet little Joey did not want to come out. It takes three huge tugs before we hear, "She's pooping!" and our baby joins the world. The doctor lifts her above the curtain and I think...eww. She's dirty. Thankfully, the nurses take on the job of wiping the crap, blood, and who-knows-what-else off of her before handing her over. Billy and I are joined by baby Joey shortly after, and our family is complete. I was still cut open, but we just pretend not to notice while the stitches are being sewed in.

So...that's about all I care to share for now. We love you, Joey!

38 Weeks

How far along? 38 weeks
Baby is the size of a pumpkin (a smaller pumpkin)
Total weight gain: 24 pounds!
Maternity clothes: Still wearing my maternity pants and Billy's shirts. I also stole one of my dad's t-shirts, and I don't plan on ever returning it. To quote Demi Lovato... "I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)."
Stretch marks: Nope.
Sleep: I get up every hour and sometimes lay awake for over an hour around 3AM. This does give me time to hear Billy call football snaps in his sleep.
Miss anything? Baby girl's head is poking my left side by my ribs. I miss the feeling of not having it there, because I bump it and worry I'm giving her brain damage.
Best moment this week: Getting the other car seat base installed, taking belly pictures with Billy, and eating spaghetti together while watching The Office.

Movement: Her feet are kicking me in the low spots, her head is jamming on my rib cage, and I'm pretty sure she's trying to claw her way through my skin with her hands.
Food cravings: Macaroni and cheese, the traditional kind.
Food aversions: Nope, but I'm not as hungry as I was in the second trimester.
Gender: We're having a baby girl! If the ultrasound was read incorrectly, we have a backup boy name ready to go.
Labor signs: None.
Pregnancy symptoms: Just look at me. I'm a walking symptom.
Emotional state: We are down to 10 days and less than two hours until our c-section. Excited! Scared! Anything and everything right about now is how I'm feeling. Actually, I'm hungry.
Looking forward to:  The weekend, watching a movie with Billy, finishing up this trimester of school, and the nicer weather we've been having.

35 Weeks

How far along? 35 weeks
Baby is the size of a large coconut!

Hey baby girl,

Instead of doing the typical weekly update, your dad and I thought you might enjoy a snapshot of what a typical day in our lives looks like right now. Before reading that, take a glance at the sweet picture of the three of us (four if you include Gracie) from our baby shower on Saturday! Your grandmas put together a kick-butt party for 35 of our family and friends, despite the threat of a snowstorm. I ate too many taco rolls and opened gifts for at least an hour while guests competed for prizes in Bingo and a memory game. We are still in awe of how generous people are! Seriously, you have a wardrobe fit for a princess, and we have all the gear we need to make it look like we know what we're doing.

A Typical Day for Our Family

1. Your dad's alarm goes off at 5:40AM, but he doesn't hear it, so I wake him up.

2. As he goes downstairs to work out, I count the seconds of comfort I have left until my first alarm goes off at 5:45AM and second at 5:50AM. Amos and Olive know that my alarm means they will get breakfast soon, so they stand on the bed and glare at me (sometimes attacking my face) until I get up.

3. Your dad and I get ready for the day, the dogs make a couple of trips outside, and I am out of the door by 6:20AM to drive to school. Your dad leaves at different times depending on his class/work schedule.

4. Your dad has two jobs and a full class schedule in Madison, while I attempt teaching English to half-asleep and fully distracted high school students from 8AM to 3:25PM five days a week. My days are brighter when I see an email from Billy with an article link, a sweet message, or a random question. 

5. I'm usually driving home by 3:40PM with Olive and Amos waiting by the back house door. I make something to eat, settle in on the couch with Netflix and the dogs, and relax while waiting for your dad to come home. It's a fun night when we are all home for dinner, but your dad's amazing work ethic keeps him in Madison late some nights. He is Superman, and I love him for all that he is doing to create a successful future and happy life for our family. 

6. Finally, we tuck-in for the night before 10PM and get ready to take on another day after some sleep. 

What Baby Girl's Typical Day Looks Like...

1. Wake mom up around 3-4AM to practice karate kicks against her ribs. Make her question whether or not she has to pee again...no, OMG yes, oh-it's gone again, AHH! Run to the bathroom!

2. If mom doesn't eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up, remind her by making her feel nauseous.

3. Sleep for the next two hours...it's been a busy morning.

4. Mom's teaching? This is the perfect time for some hiccups and heartburn.

5. Yummy lunch! Now I must spend the next hour stretching mom's already massive baby bump by doing gymnastics. Must make it look like an alien is trying to escape...must freak out her students. Whoops! Muscle pain (or lightning bolt) down mom's side. Distract her with another dose of heartburn! Fireball! Fireball!

6. Nap time.

7. Gotta make the drive home more entertaining with some yoga. Look, mom! I'm touching the steering wheel with my elbow! Hey, you should probably go to the bathroom soon. Let me kick your bladder a couple of times so you understand the message. 

8. Sleep.

9. If Amos is laying on mom's lap, he must be repeatedly kicked. Otherwise, more Zzzzzzz!

10. Huh, mom and dad are trying to sleep...everything is so calm and still...MOSH PIT TIME!  

Bonus entry: A father's perspective

The following pregnancy post was composed by my love and baby-daddy, Billy. I hope you enjoy his take on our pregnancy as much as I did! 

How far along?

How far along with what? Oh, you're talking about the baby. If my memory serves me correctly we have exactly 46 days, 4 hours, 36 minutes, and 36 seconds until the due date.

Total weight gain:

My total weight gain during Sara's pregnancy is ever changing. On days that we are low on food I'm about 10 pounds heavier, but when Sara makes her potato soup, I'm about 15 pounds heavier.  

Maternity clothes: 

Nope, that's outside the budget.

Sleep: Yes, I sleep pretty well...except when Sara wakes me up screaming that she has a cramp and I jump up and start rubbing her hamstring, but then she yells "my calf". But other than that I sleep well.

Miss anything: 

I miss Sara being comfortable. 

Best moment this week:

My last semester of college started this week. Can't believe how fast it has gone.

Movement: 

I try to move at least once a day but that's about it. Oh you mean the baby! Sara says she moves all the time; I get to see it every once in a while and even feel her punch Sara in the stomach.

Gender:  

The lady at our gender appointment said girl so she must be a girl because doctors are never wrong!

Pregnancy symptoms: 

I have heart burn after I eat about 1 - 2 pounds worth of food at one sitting. Not sure if that's a symptom or me just overeating. 

Emotional state: 

Excited to enjoy these last weeks of pregnancy with Sara.

Nervous about:  

Holding my daughter for the first time, changing diapers, and if she will like me.

Looking forward to:

Meeting our baby in person and Sara holding her for the first time.

Anything you'd like to say to the baby: 

Daddy will always be there for you, forever.

33 Weeks

How far along? 33 weeks
Baby is the size of a durian! What in the hell is a durian?
Total weight gain: 20 pounds!
Maternity clothes: I am currently raiding Billy's side of the closet for his larger t-shirts and sweatshirts. I may never give them back.
Stretch marks: Nope.
Sleep: Depends on the night...sometimes I sleep really well, and sometimes I get up to pee five times and contemplate life's purpose for a good 30 minutes.
Miss anything? We have officially entered the zone of, "Billy, can you tie my shoe for me?" Small things like that have become a test of wills, as I must choose between breathing or asking for help.
Best moment this week: Playing Dominoes with Billy, mom, and dad and laughing so hard I peed myself. That actually would have happened without laughing.

Movement: She is twisting and turning every day! Especially in the middle of the night. We can feel her foot (or knee, or elbow, or other unidentifiable appendage) on my left side when she pushes against me.
Food cravings: Macaroni and cheese, the traditional kind.
Food aversions: Nope, but I'm not as hungry as I was in the second trimester.
Gender: We're having a baby girl! If the ultrasound was read incorrectly, we have a backup boy name ready to go.
Labor signs: None.
Pregnancy symptoms: The heartburn was terrible last week, but mostly gone now. Back is sore, but otherwise I'm trucking along with just a waddle in my step.
Emotional state: Excited to be counting down the last seven weeks! Some days drag on and on, but we are finally getting to the finish line. I keep randomly remembering we're going to be taking care of a human life at the end of this...uhhh, shouldn't we have to pass a test first? Who approved this? I want names!
Looking forward to:  A night of watching comedy shows, relaxing with our dogs, and getting blinds installed on all of the house windows.

31 Weeks

How far along? 31 weeks
Baby is the size of a small pineapple!

Monday, after I dropped a mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cup on the floor (still in its wrapper) I faced an important life decision.

Do I risk severe injury from the weight of bending over to pick up the sad-looking treat? Or, do I consider it an act of fate and kiss the chocolate-peanut buttery goodness goodbye forever?

Of course I picked up the darn PB cup and enjoyed it as my reward for being brave in a moment of overwhelming unknown. It was delicious. And yes, I left my pride down on the floor in its place.

Other, slightly less dramatic, decisions Billy and I are facing carry more importance than whether or not to eat chocolate. We have had to decide on a name for our baby girl, talk about our parenting philosophies, discuss future career and home plans, choose between the green or pink hooded bath  towel, and think about how to raise a strong and curious daughter in a world we hardly understand. Instead of relying just on our two minds, I've reached out to our immediate families for their input asking the following questions:

1. What advice would you give to a young girl growing up in our society?
2. If there is one song you want to pass down to baby girl Boutelle, what would it be?

So, baby girl...one day we will share this post with you. A post where the people who love you the most took time to share some wisdom and music. Here you go:

"Be compassionate and humane to those in need. Remember, you may think you have it bad, but there is always someone who has it worse."

"Experience real life - unplug and put down the electronic devices. Go outside and interact with those around you without distractions or filters. Hopefully by the time you are of age to read this, there will no longer be a 'glass ceiling'. If it still applies, break it. Never stop learning, push yourself outside of your comfort zone, embrace failures, say yes more often, and try new things. Laugh often - find a partner with a great sense of humor."

"Never give up on your dreams. You can be anything and everything you want to be, and do not let anyone tell you any different for you are so very special."

"Be confident but humble."

"Show empathy. Stay true to your core beliefs - stubbornness is not always a negative quality. However, be willing to listen to those with different views/opinions, and don't be quick to judge others for their choices. When difficult times arise remember that you control how you react to it. Choose joy. Lastly, asking for help is never a weakness."

"Ask your grandparents about the 'good old days'."

"Focus on the things you can control. You will get opportunities to enjoy life and you shouldn't let the things you can't control impact your performance."

"It's important to pick good friends, and stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. Don't let anyone push you around...there will always be bullies, just don't become one. Listen to your mom and dad; you may think they're only there to embarrass you and ruin your life, but in the end they're family and they love you more than you'll ever know."

"Life is short...eat your dessert first." 

"Be thankful for all that you have. Regularly express your appreciation and love for those closest to you. Treasure and trust the love of your family. Lean on them when you need them, and be there for them as well"

30 Weeks

How far along? 30 weeks
Baby is the size of a zucchini!
Total weight gain: 17 pounds!
Maternity clothes: I am currently raiding Billy's side of the closet for his larger t-shirts and sweatshirts.
Stretch marks: Not yet!
Sleep: Every night I have these extended times of being wide awake. Nothing woke me up, the dogs are being quiet, I'm not necessarily uncomfortable...I'm just awake. Usually between 1:00AM and 4:00AM for 30-60 minutes.

Miss anything? Moving around without making sound effects from the effort it takes. I'm getting to the point of needing momentum to turn over in bed or get up from the couch.
Best moment this week: Relaxing at home with the dogs and Billy. Being at the wrestling tournament with Chais and Lauren for the first time in a year.
Movement: She is twisting and turning every day!
Food cravings: Macaroni and cheese, the traditional kind. I can eat a whole box by myself. Maybe two...give me a few more weeks and I'll down five at once.
Food aversions: Nope. I even brought a microwave to my classroom so I can get to my food faster. HAHA microwave line in the teacher's lounge! I'll have my Chicken Parmesan in under five minutes while you wait for someone's gross fish to stink up the room!
Gender: We're having a baby girl! If the ultrasound was read incorrectly, we have a backup boy name ready to go.
Labor signs: None.
Pregnancy symptoms: I didn't realize the two worst pains of pregnancy would be the calf cramping and abdominal muscles ripping apart. I'm considering it a warm-up for the super fun labor thing that's coming around the corner.
Emotional state: Excited to be counting down the last ten weeks! With the coming months I'm hoping we'll have a healthy baby girl and some warmer weather.
Looking forward to:  My drive home with some good music. Baby girl and I love singing to musical soundtracks and rapping to Eminem songs.

I'm playing this new game called, Did I Just Pee Myself? It's really simple! Anyone can play.You go through your normal routine and guess whether or not you just peed your pants.

        Sneezed a little...Did I just pee myself? YOU BET!
        Sat down in the desk chair...Did I just pee myself? OF COURSE!
        Walked down the hallway after going to the bathroom...Did I just pee myself? YUP!
        Not moving, thinking, drinking anything...Did I just pee myself? WINNER, WINNER!